www.needleinthegroove.co.uk: Steel Panther - "Heavy Metal Rules' Album Review

Wednesday 2 October 2019

Steel Panther - "Heavy Metal Rules' Album Review

Steel Panther - Heavy Metal Rules

I saw Steel Panther for the first time supporting the Leppard and Motley Crue Mirrorball Tour back in December 2011. Anyway, I had already got the album, partially dismissed it as a bit of fun, and went along mainly to see Motley Crue. How. Naive. Was. I? Very it seems, as Steel Panther were the best 80s hair metal band on that bill, for any other come to think of it that I had seen for quite some time. They were great, funny as anything, and proved there and then that they were onto something special. 80s originals have tried (and failed) to write songs like Steel Panther have these past ten years or so. They have almost single handedly kept hair metal alive when it was close to being read the last rites.

So October sees the release of ‘Heavy Metal Rules’ their fifth studio release. It opens up with a clip taken from ‘Heavy Metal Parking Lot’ called ‘Zebraman’. Go looking for it if you’ve never seen it, as it is priceless! What you get are the usual high standards of smut - ‘All I Wanna Do Is Fuck (Myself Tonight)’, ‘Always Gonna Br A Ho’, ‘Im Not Your Bitch’, ‘Fuck Everybody’ and ‘Gods Of Pussy’. The bar is set high with ‘All I Wanna Do is Fuck (Myself Tonight). It follows the now standard formula for a Steel Panther anthem, shallow as gnats piss puddle, but a belter of an opener. ‘Always Gonna Be A Ho’ is their maturer ‘Community Property’ with the classic line “Has your vagina never seen the shade” and “I kissed your mouth and tasted Satchels dick”. Mercury Prize, please take note!!!!

Its the likes of ‘Fuck Everybody’, ‘All I Wanna Do…’, ‘Heavy Metal Rules’ with its Sabbath-esque riff, but a bit of a repetitive chorus, and the wonderfully titled ‘Gods Of Pussy’ (I can already see the merchandising ), that resonate the most and will be remembered in the long haul. One thing is absolutely certain, Satchel and Steel Panther have a Metal detecting ear for a great hook, riff and a chorus. Like I said, single handedly keeping hair metal alive….I mean it! Other than getting into a DeLorean, SP are producing some of the best riffs this side of Warren DeMartini’s poodle perm!

7/10

Review by Paul Chesworth

Tracklisting
Zebraman
All I Wanna Do Is Fuck (Myself Tonight)
Lets Get High Tonight
Always Gonna Be A Ho
I’m Not Your Bitch
Fuck Everybody
Heavy Metal Rules
Sneaky Little Bitch
Gods Of Pussy
I Ain’t Buying What You’re Selling

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ABOUT ME

I was brought up on my dad's record collection of rock 'n' roll greats. He was a Teddy Boy and had all the gear (and hair) - drain pipe trousers, jacket, crepe shoes. We listened to Elvis, Bill Hailey, Eddie Cochran, Johnny Kidd & The Pirates, Fats Domino, Tommy Steel, and the big names from the sixties such as Dave Clark Five, Wayne Fontana, Dave Dee (etc.,). This music was the kind that you would listen to to rebel against and annoy your parents; it was rough, wild, and the Ted's had a reputation.

So, fast forward to the end of the 70's. I was about 12 when it was the thing to choose your musical stance. It had to be a good choice as there was no going back. You had to be a mod, or a rocker back around 1980. I had a mate (still do, just the one mind) and he was an influence with regards to my musical tastes (and we still go gigging together to this day), and what with my dad's influence I chose the rocker route. I've never looked back. We (me and dad) both started a musical journey where our parents hated what we listened to! In fact, being a teenager in the mid 50s, it wasn't any different to being a teenager in the late 70's/early 80's with regards to rebellion. Although in my era, you couldnt get rickets.

I was fed strictly on a cassette diet of Deep Purple, Thin Lizzy, Whitesnake, Rush and Rainbow. From there it expanded into melodic rock and hair metal - Journey, Foreigner, Stryper, Ratt, Motley Crue, and Dokken. And Prog!

I absorbed all I could. I was a human sponge. The internet was eons away, so I got my fix via a wonderful weekly paper called 'Sounds.' It covered a lot of genres, but they specialised in Rock! I read it every week without fail for about three years. I loved the way their reporters wrote articles. It was like they were talking directly to me. It's how I try to do the same today. When it stopped, I moved with the crowd and subscribed to 'Kerrang!' A lot of the 'Sounds' crew moved across, and it felt like home. I wanted to know more about what was happening over in the U.S. So I subscribed to 'Hit Parader' - it was shite really, the articles weren't great, but the pictures were good. Plus I could follow the Dokken feud between Don and George. Thirty odd years later, they still hate each other! Today, its a diet of 'Classic Rock' Mag, sometimes 'Prog Mag', 'Fireworks' and 'Planet Rock' mag.

My enjoyment of this music has never waned. I see the same people time and again and its a great community. I try to get to as many gigs as I can still as its much better than sitting on your arse reviewing. I hope you enjoy the blog!

Paul Chesworth